It's Time We Talked About Sleep Number Beds

My good wife Cate may not approve of me airing out the biggest fight in the 2+ year history of our marriage, but it is important to get this all out there for the masses to decide who is truly right. It's time we discussed Sleep Number Beds and their war on love. I have been on this soap box for a great many years now. Hopefully, with the power of the internet and its many tubes, this website will give my argument much more legitimacy and we an start fighting back against this evil design.

For those who may not know here is a brief explanation of Sleep Number Beds. Sleep Number Beds are beds, and more importantly the mattresses on the beds, with adjustable features and often times smart technology in order to, hypothetically, increase your comfort while you sleep. The beds are split down the middle (we will get to this later) so two people can adjust their half of the bed to meet their requirements. One person likes a soft bed but their partner likes a hard bed? No worries! With your Sleep Number Bed you both get the surface you want.

The romantically inclined as well as more intelligent readers will quickly see the problem here. Sleep Number Beds are quite literally manufacturing a line down the middle in our relationships and, if that wasn't enough, they want us to pay over $1,000 for it! Prof. Scott Stanley wrote a piece for the Institute of Family Studies which indicated "today’s lifetime risk of divorce is between 42 and 45 percent." Overall, recent studies have shown the theory that 50% of all marriages end in divorce is not entirely true and is based on flawed data. In steps Sleep Number, complete with backing from a giant national family law firm. (Unproven and containing little to no credibility.) Sleep Number is actively trying to increase the divorce rates in marriages in order for their financial investors to swoop in and take advantage of needy people during divorce preceding. (Once again, not based on available facts.)

You may be saying, like Cate has said multiple times, that better sleep leads to better spirits and a better mood which leads to happier relationships. That all may well be true. However, so does physical contact and intimacy. With a Sleep Number Bed, cuddling is thrown right out the window! Picture this scenario:

"Why would I ever risk touching the other side of the bed when MY side is geared to be perfect for ME? Might as well just stay on my side and hope they come over to cuddle me!...Still waiting...Hm, I guess they have no intention of putting themselves in a less than comfortable position for the sake of this relationship. I will remember that in the morning."

End. Scene.

Can't you just FEEL the bitterness rising up on that $1,000 bed? I for one do not believe the individual in that scene, nor their partner going through the same thought process, is going to wake up well rested and in good spirits. A night of no physical contact and doubts regarding their partner's commitment kept them up all night. But hey! Your back might hurt less...

I have done no research on couples with Sleep Number Beds and their divorce rates. I don't personally have one and don't know anybody who has one. In the 21st Century, none of that should deter you from believing me. As I stated before, Cate does not agree with me. We have debated this many times. However, let me leave you with this point. Go to the Sleep Number Bed's website. Scroll down. Not that far! Just a little. Read carefully how the website describes what the mattress will do for you. Something your partner no longer does.

The bed "Knows you...Senses you...Adjusts to you." Need I say more?